How very dare you

Shame on you! Yes you, over there in sunny California, searching on the net for 'brenda blethyn f*cking'.

More to the point - how the heck did it bring you to my blog?

Answers on a 'Secrets & Lies' postcard.

Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus

Go and see The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, do, because even though it has its uneven bits, and the odd just-visible patch here and there, it's full of glorious imagination, like a big raggedy, faded but still glittering fairy-tale. I didn't like some bits of it - some of it was confusing, but I loved the experience of it. The visuals are pretty stunning - the costumes and sets just glow. You'd never believe that a stage made from old wood and swagged with plastic sheeting and tarps could billow so beautifully like a ship in full sail, and you can forgive a few things for visual beauty like that.

I'd have loved to have seen what Heath Ledger would have done with his part had he finished the film, but as it stands, the 3 replacement actors fit in rather cleverly - though it's testament to his charming talent that Johnny Depp is the one you're left wishing for more of even when he's only been on screen for 2 or 3 minutes. Tom Waites is a rather delicious Devil too.

There was something definitely creepy about the bartering between good and evil over a 16 yr old girl who looks much older, and is played by a much older actress (Lily Cole)... nevermind the child-beating scene (I can't reveal more but you'll know it when you see it) but as a fantasy interpretation of a classic tale, it scoots past the uneasy, just.

Plenty nods to Monty Python too - especially with the cross-dressing Policemen and the giant heads.

Uncertain but delicious, like biting into a Revel and fearing you've chosen the coffee one but then gloriously realising that you have, in fact, got the coconut one.

GPS

I have suspected it for a while but a recent driving trip through to Glasgow has proved it - I have my own particular form of internal GPS - Global Pisstaking System. Geography is not my strong point, especially when it's a) dark, b) underground or c) a month with an 'R' in it. Never has so much nervous energy been used up in so (reasonably) short a journey. Next week I'm taking Kendal mint cake and a flare gun.

Random bit of trivia: Did you know that the most popular names for those of the swinging persuasion are Paul and Catherine?

Pig-bits

It's been a busy month so far - scrips and scraps of stuff really.

Am halfway through the BBC Lab - done my Edinburgh stint. Lots of fun and hard work. There's 8 other writers on it, mainly playwrights and novelists, though we have a stand-up comedian too! We've all bonded over coffee and biscuits, met assorted BBC writers and producers, done lots of creative exercises (including me having to act that my neighbour had killed my cat - it wasn't my finest moment, but it was surprisingly fun), and written a radio play between us. The play will be recorded by actors on the next bit of the Lab in Glasgow - looking forward to that - have never been in a radio recording before. More interesting people to meet and then a wrap party. I'm formulating an idea for a radio play at the moment - I think we get a chance to chat about our ideas before we are cast to the winds - I'm committed to writing the story anyway as it's stuck itself to my heart.

Short 1 is in the edit now - I think there's some pick-ups to do, but all seems calm.

Short 2 is in good shape script-wise, and is being shot in January so we can get the team we really want - this is a good decision.

Short 3 (welcome number 3) is being redrafted and seriously cut down to probably 2 minutes (maybe even 1) - I'm aiming for a bit of guerilla-filmmaking with this one - a friend and I are going to make it with camera, some actors, and possibly a cat.

Had an idea for a horror set in Glasgow - am now dying to write it, but making myself NOT DO IT YET. I do not have a lot of patience - delayed gratification isn't really my thing - but I must prioritise or I'll end up with half-done things.

Have to get on with my final piece of work for my course - aiming to start that in November - although at this rate I may junk my first draft and go for the horror instead just to see what I come up with, hmmm, undecided.

In the real world, oh how I love my local market - it's rough and ready with the occasional dodgy bit but all life is there - last week I saw motorbike racing, a cage-fighter, a box of pigs ears and assorted other pig-bits (and believe me they use all the pig), crossbows, and a full set of RAF uniforms. Ate chips while admiring a Royal Enfield - beautiful classic bike.

My phone has been acting a bit oddly, and has now finally died - apologies to anyone who tried to send texts or get in touch, but it's been behaving very badly. Should be up and running shortly.

I'm closing in on a 'big' birthday - I always said I'd get a tattoo when I made it - the chilly light of reality is starting to dawn...

Caught Short

Firstly (hands up) I declare interest - I'm involved in the following venture but don't let that put you off. It's a great opportunity to get your (short) work out there.

Are you an an emerging film-maker (with a Scottish background) who's made a short film you're proud of, and that demonstrates a bold, original vision? Then we want to see it. We're looking for films that will surprise, delight and challenge us; anything from drama, documentary and animation to experimental works.

Caught Short is a new venture from the Edinburgh Skillset Screen and Media Academy in conjunction with Filmhouse.

Curated by students on the MFA Advanced Film Practice course and invited guest(s) from the film industry, it aims to champion and showcase emerging talent from film-makers with a Scottish connection, regardless of background or training. It will run twice a year – in December and May.

It's a chance to see your work on the big screen, showcased in a programme of selected Scottish shorts in one of Scotland's leading independent cinemas, the Filmhouse.

The guest panellist for the December 09 will be the award winning, Scottish based filmmaker, Justin Molotnikov. His shorts have won an impressive collection of awards and nominations including BAFTA, BAFTA Scotland, RTS, Celtic Film and TV Festival, Directors Guild of Great Britain. His debut feature film as a writer and director, Crying with Laughter, had its world premiere at Edinburgh International Film Festival in June 2009. Justin runs Synchronicity Films Ltd, along with Co-Creative director, Claire Mundell.

The screening of selected shorts will take place at 6pm, 7 December 2009 at Filmhouse. The next screening will take place in May 2010 with a call for submissions in February 2010.

Go on, astonish us!

Submission guidelines and form from here. Click 'Caught Short' on the menu'

Please pass on to anyone you think may be interested - DEADLINE is 30th September.

Desperate Romantics

Anyone been watching 'Desperate Romantics' on BBC2? I had (wrongly) spurned it initially as a hokey attempt at updating a period of art that I'm particularly fond off, but have had my wrists slapped HARD after giving it a chance and finding it to be a bit of an addictive jolly romp. The script whacks along with a knowing wink and a lot of slap and tickle - there are acres of heaving bosoms and buttocks amongst repressed gasps as the coterie create art and intense poetry. The 'Brotherhood' of the said Romantics cut a frock-coated swathe through 19th century London. Rossetti, Hunt, Ruskin, Morris, Millais et al are all drawn in broad strokes, but 'DR' sticks close enough to fact (presumed though some of it is) to give it the sniff of authenticity whilst allowing the script by Peter Bowker (he also wrote the fabulous Blackpool) to slap along at great, FUN pace. That's the bottom line - 'DR' is fun, lighthearted, enjoyable and sexy - frothy 'nonsense' (and that's not to damn with faint praise) - I'm loving it. There's also something fantastic about the sumptuous way the script treats its female characters. Most are the lovers, muses and wives of the Brotherhood, but instead of squandering their roles as 'assistants' and mere background to the art, they're given a voluptuousness and life that makes them glow. These are not women as accessories, regardless of whether they are prostitutes or repressed spinsters, these are sharp, real, (in some cases) sexual creatures who are not afraid to speak their mind or satisfy their desires. Amy Manson as the laudanum-addicted redhead Lizzie Siddal, and Jennie Jacques as Annie Miller are particularly good.

There's no doubt that many unpleasant and less salubrious areas of 19th century life are glossed over and romanticised, but this never set out to be a political piece or social commentary, but instead, revels in being an indulgent, saucy, peek behind the Pre-Raphaelite curtains.

I don't care if it's not entirely truthful, in fact I admire it for not being fact-bound. The only bad thing I can say about it, is that it's giving me serious hair-envy. Damn their flowing tresses.

The Devil's Beef Tub

Isn't that the best name for a natural feature - The Devil's Beef Tub! Though I keep accidentally saying 'Devil's Bath Tub' which sort of sounds quite comforting. Anyway, spent yesterday on the shoot of Short 1, up in the amazing hills of Dumfries & Galloway at the aforementioned Tub. High, green, marshy and glorious - I was up there for 9 hours straight and did I remember suncream? Did I heck - I'm a film-maker - I'm hardy. Ooops. Have a face like a skelped tomato this morning - own fault!

Got a bit lost heading down - somehow ended spending a lot of stressful time in Bonnyrigg - but made it in the end. The 'Tub' is a natural feature and stunning, see pic above (own pics to follow). The drive down was pretty glorious too on the A701 (I think) - I can recommend it at the moment, all rolling green and gold with feather pink willow-herb all over the place. And it was sunny (BURN), without a spot of rain.

ANYWAY, (saw a swan and a buzzard on the way down - not together though) they were filming the outdoor sports scenes of the film with paragliders along with the 2 main actors. I have been to a couple sets before but there really is something wonderful about actors delivering your OWN WORDS, and making them come alive - gave me goosebumps - watching people construct something you made up in in your own head - look, there's Alec's walking stick and it looks like you imagined... there's a guy swooping about in a paraglider with his shadow skimming over the hill JUST LIKE YOU IMAGINED - slightly surreal. And there were lots of little things which just naturally changed - and all for the better far as I could see. I did my fair share of mucking in, which I was also thrilled about, as I wanted to be as little nuisance as possible, so it was rather nice to be carting bags and blankets over bouncy spagnum moss, up hills, squishing into wet little burns and getting soggy like everyone else. We also all got bitten raw by midgies and clegs, but persevered (note to self, if ever in boggy moss country again, take head-net-thing like the 1 wise paraglider who had one).

Was invited down by the Director to watch a few things through the monitor, which was EXCITING and felt very privileged. Also got to meet the actors, and most of the crew, who were beyond lovely, especially in the face of sun/midgies/clegs/very steep slopes. Quite a few people made a point of saying to me how much they liked the script, and I had to fight the urge to hug EVERYONE because I felt kind of honoured that they're all wanting to work on it.

I was nervous about going, even more so after Bonnyrigg tried to trap me, but I'm glad I did - it felt like I was really part of SOMETHING exciting. Something that had become bigger than the ideas out of my head and that was GLORIOUS. I want to do more. I have always, and always will, write, but this was different - if film-making is a bug, then I've caught it, good and proper.